LAUGH LINES

One for the Road: Monica Lewinsky lost control of her SUV and rolled it off the freeway. “She’s OK, but they couldn’t save the Twinkie.” (Chris Pina)

A Second One for the Road: Monica Lewinsky’s accident occurred on the 101 Freeway when her SUV crossed over the center median. “No one was surprised. If she knew where the line was, we never would have had all that trouble.” (Argus Hamilton)

In the Running: Pope John Paul II called for health coverage for all people. “Being pope isn’t enough for this guy. Now he wants to be first lady.” (Hamilton)

On the Campaign Trail: George W. Bush refuses to comment on rumors that he may have done cocaine in the past. “Today, Dan Quayle said that he’s never tried coke--there’s just no way he could ever fit that can up his nose.” (Andrew Wisot)

On the Business Beat: Martha Stewart’s company is going public. “Not only will you get ownership in her company, each stock certificate can be folded to make a lovely table setting.” (Jay Leno)

Happy Birthday: In England, the Queen Mum turned 99. “She celebrated the same way she does every year: Jello shots and pay-per-view wrestling.” (Leno)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.