Of Monstrous Trends and Trading Cards That Consume Our Kids

Dear Vicki: I allowed my boys to get Pokemon cards, thinking it was an interesting game involving math and some vocabulary. But now it’s not enough to just play the game; they are driven to trade! We have banned Pokemon in the morning and at bedtime, but every other waking moment they are outside trading with friends or trading and fighting with each other.

How do other parents feel about this craze (or the Beanie Baby thing for that matter)?

--POKE-MAMA

Dear Poke-mama: Man, I hate these “artificial shortage” crazes that manipulate our poor, consumer-oriented children. With kids ages 5 to 11, I have endured the “buy them now and have a valuable collector’s item in the future” nonsense from dolls to turtles to beanbags to, now, cards.

Do you know that I spent most of an evening on EBay with my 7-year-old while we tried to “win” some card that he sincerely believed was tremendously valuable.

Don’t fall for it, girlfriend! We moms have to join forces against such blatant kiddie rip-offs. I don’t have a problem with buying the regular, relatively cheap Pokemon card packs. Our job is to explain to our kids that this is a fun but short-lived game and that part of the fun is hoping that they will score their coveted cards when they buy the regular game pack.

Today my son told me the kind of thing that makes a mother’s heart sing (if she finds it at all convincing): He said he was going to make his own “elite” card by cutting a piece of cardboard of matching size and draw his own Pokemon for the car. I could have wept.

By the way, did you know that Pokemon is short for Pocket Monsters? Cute, but I can’t help thinking it really stands for all discretionary Pocket money.

Call me a cynic, but I’ve had my share of bogus value attributed to pieces of cardboard, yammering fluff and yarn-topped baby dolls with outie bellybuttons.

*

Dear Vicki: What am I supposed to do when a play date or sleepover friend gets sick during my watch? Is it an airlift straight home, or do I try to do a little home doctoring?

--DR. QUINN,

MEDICINE MOTHER

Dear Doctor: Rare is the hospitable mom who doesn’t experience some projectile vomiting, overflowing toilets or, at the very least, a pair of flushed cheeks and a high temperature.

Ultimately, the plan is to reunite the child with her rightful parent, but sometimes circumstances postpone that handoff. So what does the mommy in charge do?

First, triage: Separate the healthy kids from the unhealthy ones, especially if there’s a baby in the house. You’re probably too late to insulate the sick tyke’s germs from her girlfriend’s immune system.

Check the vital signs: When you get the other mom or dad on the phone, they will be understandably and obsessively interested in such things as an accurate temperature, whether the upchuck resembled what they served for hot lunch that day, her mood and whether there are any unusual markings, like red dots, that might signal something else.

The good news is that most mommies develop a tolerance for baby ick early on. Sure, cleaning up someone else’s kid is more nauseating than cleaning up your own, but we all rise to the occasion.

Whatever you do, get the child clean, comfortable and reassured that she has done nothing out of the ordinary. Keep telling her that she will be just fine, and you are so impressed by how brave she’s acting.

After her parents have come to the rescue, tear all the linens from the bed, disinfect the room, wash all available hands one more time and then lie down--remember, whatever she had could be contagious to you, the mommy, too.

P.S. Call tomorrow to check on the little angel.

Vicki Iovine is the harried author of the “Girlfriends’ Guide,” a columnist for Child magazine and mother of four. Write to her at Girlfriends, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053; e-mail GrlfrndsVI@aol.com. Please include your name and phone number.