CHARGER REVIEW : REPORT CARD / T.J. SIMERS : Sorry State of Affairs
F: QUARTERBACKS
Stan Humphries still hasn’t learned entire offense--what a relief. That explains why Humphries thought that fan in the upper stands beyond the end zone just short of the parking lot was his primary receiver at goal line.
F: RUNNING BACKS
Marion Butts averages 1.8 yards a carry. Rod Bernstine averages 2.4 yards a carry. Ronnie Harmon averages 3.3 yards. Eric Bieniemy catches a pass for three yards. OK, Chargers surrender.
C: RECEIVERS
If you were a local merchant, would you accept Shawn Jefferson’s check guarantee card? If you were coaching the Chargers, would you have Anthony Miller returning kicks? Would you like to coach the Chargers?
F: OFFENSIVE LINE
“Middle Ages” is a new TV show on Thursday nights about a bunch of well-meaning folks beyond-their-prime who wonder why they have wasted their lives waiting for Chargers to get their act together.
F: DEFENSIVE LINE
Ten years from now when Chris Mims gets first start in the NFL, no one will even remember Lee Williams. Leslie O’Neal is unhappy because he bought 30 season tickets, and now he has to find 30 people willing to watch Chargers versus Seahawks.
A: LINEBACKERS
Junior Seau.
C: DEFENSIVE BACKS
ESPN’s Norm Hitzges predicted: Chargers 20, Oilers 17. Easy mistake. Norm failed to realize Donald Frank would leave bench and be pressed into action against run-and-shoot. Imagine how far off the mark he would have been had Chargers used Delton Hall.
F-: SPECIAL TEAMS
If Randy Myers was a football player, he would be on the Chargers’ special teams.
F: COACHING
Chargers 0-4 in games decided by eight or more points. Bring back Dan Henning. As one defender put it, if team longs for good old days when they lost by only seven or fewer points, defense will have to hold opposition to seven points. Ouch.
